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Reading

16 April 2018 | Post A Comment

I love books. I love the physicality of them, the smell, the feel. The weight of a precious story lying unread, a silent secret waiting to speak.

Reading is about discovery. It's the transportation through space and time which allows you to see the wonders and cruelties of the world through another's eyes. It's exploring cultures and experiences so apart from your own and finding out vastly different ways in which it is possible to live. It's discovering new ways of thinking about things you never even knew you could think about. 

And in reading we can also find comfort and familiarity. Reading is the quiet excitement in finding yourself in the words or thoughts of a character in the pages of a book. I remember the connection I felt with the unnamed narrator in Rebecca by Daphne Du Maurier as she reacted to certain situations with the same thought pattern that I would. Read until you find that character who thinks with your thoughts and speaks with your voice and you have found a book that feels like home. 

"That's the thing about books. They let you travel without moving your feet" - Jhumpa Lahiri 

"A room without books is like a body without a soul." - Cicero

"You think your pain and your heartbreak are unprecedented in the history of the world, but then you read. It was books that taught me that the things that tormented me most were the very things that connected me with all the people who were alive, who had ever been alive" - James Baldwin

My Vegan Story

14 April 2018 | Post A Comment


For the first 20 years of my life, I loved eating meat, I was a huge fan of a roast dinner on a Sunday, I was chocolate obsessed, I drunk milk by the gallon and my first choice at a restaurant was always steak or burger. Growing up, family meals always centred around meat and like most of us, I didn't question it, it was just what you eat. 

But leading up to a year ago I gradually felt a sense of unease around eating animals and started to question what we have all been taught to be normal. I started to think about the obvious double standards we have in this society around which animals we chose to eat and exploit and those we love to love. I remember being curious of the national outrage at the possibility of horse meat being found in certain burgers whilst this same nation eats 2.6 million cows a year. Most of us in Britain are disgusted by the thought of people eating guinea pig or dog in cultures where this is just as acceptable as us eating hens and sheep. My family had recently moved to the Yorkshire Dales and surrounded by the lovely calves in the springtime I found myself wondering what went on to produce so much milk. What happened to the male dairy calves? How do the farmers make the cows produce so much milk? Why aren't their calves drinking it?

As I searched for answers I was horrified by the truth. 

My first year vegan has, in most ways, been easier than I could have imagined. I have a new found love for food and now, the food is actually good for me! I enjoy fuelling my body with foods that humans have evolved to thrive on and that fight diseases rather than cause them. I no longer crave any of the foods I used to enjoy and I have been excited by the many vegan alternatives that didn't involve such terrible suffering. 

I have also found it extremely difficult. Not in terms of expense (it's cheaper) or effort (it's easier) but being exposed to this dark, hidden side of our society is heart breaking. Knowing what is going on behind closed slaughter house doors is devastating and it's hard to accept that I contributed to it for so long. I struggle with accepting that so many people would rather stay blissfully ignorant than face up to what is going on. 

This isn't meant to be a post where I beg you to turn vegan, I am sharing how I came upon this lifestyle. But, if you are interested at all in finding out more I urge you to watch this one video. It is all recent footage from the uk. Watch this one if you are from the US. If you have any questions at all or want any advice, I would be more than happy to help.

This is my vegan story. Maybe yours will start today? 

An update

12 April 2018 | Post A Comment

I last posted on here around 10 months ago and have thought about posting again every day in that time. Now that I feel like I am ready it's probably a good idea to fill you in and we can all be up to date.

Let's get the boring stuff out the way first. I have completed 25 weeks of CBT with an NHS therapist. As I am sure you know, the services for people with mental health struggles on the NHS are poor. My therapist was good, he understood that I had a pretty thorough understanding of CBT from years of private therapy so we focussed more on mindfulness. This was helpful but these limited sessions of finite therapy were not really for me and I was always aware that the sessions would have to soon come to a close. However, I will be forever grateful to these sessions and my therapist because they introduced me to meditation and yoga which is now something I really love.

I am currently under a psychiatrist who I see every couple of months with the view of this being long term. I see this purely as the NHS covering their backs as no other form of therapy or medication has markedly improved my debilitating symptoms. For now, I feel I am fighting this on my own and although it seems to be a continuous uphill battle, I'm getting pretty good at fighting it.

I have tried new medication and it's been a waste of time. I'm starting to think that medication isn't the right path for me, and that's ok.

I'm still unemployed. From an outside perspective I know I must look lazy and completely unmotivated but I know with complete certainty and the backing up of the people closest to me that work is still out of the question.

Some days are filled with crying in bed unable to do anything and others are filled with reading, yoga, cooking, listening to music, taking baths, meditating, cleaning and tidying. This is my life right now and it's really difficult but I am trying to find ways of making the most of it when I can.

My last post on All Things Beautiful before the break was talking about my decision to go vegetarian. Since then I have taken it down as I think some of the information was unhelpful as I was not fully informed at the time. I was vegetarian for just a month and when I discovered the truth about the dairy and egg industries I cut them out and went vegan immediately.

Going vegan is the best decision I have ever made, it has changed my life in so many ways. I am very passionate about it and therefore I will be writing about it. This has been one of my barriers regarding starting to post here again. I know that my opinions will offend some people and I know that I will get comments that will make me sad and angry. But this blog is mine and it is a place where I can share my thoughts and opinions. I will always try to do so from a place of kindness and integrity. I encourage feedback and honest respectful discussion on all topics I write about, especially the difficult ones and I hope that this can continue.

If you are one of my previous readers who has stuck around I am so very thankful. Thank you for being patient and being so encouraging, it is because of you that I am writing this today. Please leave me a comment here on the blog, on my facebook page or contact me personally and let me know how you are doing. What have you been up to? Have there been any significant changes in your life and how have you been coping with them? What are you loving in your life at the moment?
With love, Beth x

Starting over

10 April 2018 | Post A Comment

I think I am ready to start writing again.

If you start writing again you need to publish daily, at the same time every day or you have failed, again. Why are you deluding yourself that anyone would be interested in reading your depressing self indulgent little ramblings? You are setting yourself up for failure, it always ends the same way. You can't do this.

Notice negative thought patterns.

Stop.

Breathe.

in... out... in... out... in... out...

Challenge thoughts.

If you start writing again, maybe you could be a little gentler on yourself this time. It doesn't matter if you have a publishing schedule to stick to, just publishing at all is enough. Think of all the people who have personally told you they have missed your writing. Stop, don't disregard that. Count them. If you expect failure, you will notice failure. Maybe you could go into this with a sense of curiosity, not expecting anything in particular, just see what happens.