It's been such a long time since I sat down and wrote a post for this blog. This is really not easy, I've been trying for the past hour to start and the words just won't come. I'm finally ticking through my endless list of things to do before I relaunch the site but I've been putting off the most essential task. Create content. Let's see what comes out.
When I first started this blog in April 2011 I was 14 and full of enthusiasm for this new world I had discovered of blogging. I kept it a secret, very few people in my real life knew about my blogging life. I loved keeping it separate and having somewhere I could go that was easy and frivolous and so apart from my real life that was quickly slipping out of my control. In the next couple of years my mental health rapidly declined and life was becoming increasingly dark and terrifying. Yet I kept blogging about my 'favourite' lipstick or new shade of eyeshadow that I didn't even have the energy to wear. Whilst All Things Beautiful continued to be my escape, as time went on my frustrations grew and I felt like a fake. How could I carry on blogging about such superficial topics whilst being entirely consumed by an illness that felt so much bigger and deeper than anything my younger self could possibly have the courage to write about?
My posts became less frequent, in turn my feedback and interaction with the blogging world became less and so I gave up.
It's been over a year since I last blogged properly. In that time I have healed massively from the previous traumatic years of growing up. Some things also got impossibly worse. I've faced difficulties that at times I truly thought I wouldn't survive. But I did, and I still am. I am infinitely stronger and more independant than I ever thought I could be and I finally feel ready to return to my old passion. And to return to it with honesty and integrity. I am going to blog about the things that have almost destroyed me and how I have built myself back up. I am going to do this for myself, because I believe talking about and sharing our deepest sufferings helps us heal and I am going to do this for you, in the hope that in sharing some of my struggles you can relate and perhaps find hope. I might even talk about my new favourite lipstick, because now I actually have the strength to get out of bed and put it on. And I am not going to hide, this isn't a secret.
"Something will grow from all you are going through. And it will be you," -Unknown