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A Ladder Of Words And A Hole Of Thoughts

24 November 2016 | Post A Comment

I'm trying to write my way out of this hole. Use the words to build a ladder and leave the thoughts behind. They're too heavy to climb out and they fall to the bottom, scratching at my limbs as I try to escape. I'm making progress. I have an idea and I grasp on to it. The words are flowing, I am struggling to keep up. 

My thoughts on their own can't reach me but they're starting to climb on top of each other up the side of the hole like a growing dark mass. The stronger thoughts make it to the top and fight harder for my attention. 

The thoughts are beginning to shout. "You aren't good enough!" Because they are my thoughts, it's difficult to ignore them. "Your ideas are worthless!!" I try to climb higher away from them. I try to write about my thoughts in an effort to understand them but the words start to leave me. I can't make sense of them anymore and all I can hear are the screaming thoughts.

It takes all my effort not to fall back in. The strength needed to hang on to the words and carry on becomes increasingly difficult and succumbing to my thoughts becomes more inviting. 

I know my thoughts, falling back in to them is easy.

2 comments:

  1. Beth you are so brave. No idea how you can write so beautifully about something so painful. You're a flippin strong woman....whatever's going on - that remains true.

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  2. Thank you so much Lydia xx

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