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My 2016

3 January 2017 | Post A Comment


2016 was the worst year of my life, again. I am tired of hoping that the next year will be better, I'm just going to take 2017 as it comes with my expectations low.

The year started off on a high. I felt more positive about the coming year than I had in a long time. I was relishing in my new found freedom I had carved and I had a desperate urge to find myself but I just kept getting more lost. I was drinking heavily and whilst I felt invincible I did find myself, on the downward spiral into alcoholism.  For the first quarter of the year I was living out of my car and spending as little time at home as I could. A close family relationship broke down in a heartbreaking way just before my parents and sister moved 90 minutes away and life felt extremely volatile.

I have never felt more alone. My safety blanket of a family home was ripped out from under my feet and I fell hard. I was working as a full-time nanny and moved into a flat on my own. My depression came back, I lost my job and was put on anti-depressants that made me ill. 

The past 12 months have challenged me immensely and thinking back on the year as a whole just feels like pain. But I must remember it wasn't all bad. I went sober for 6 months. At times, it felt like hell but I proved that I was stronger than my dependancy that was trying to control me. After living on my own turned out to be a disaster, I moved into a lovely little house with my boyfriend and his everyday support makes life so much easier than being on my own. A big highlight of the past year was the relaunch of this blog. It has given me a focus and an outlet and I am so grateful for everyone who reads my ramblings. 

Although there has times this year where I have undoubtedly been stupid and irresponsible  I have allowed myself to feel highs I didn't think I had the capacity to feel. There's nothing quite like that infinite drunken 1am with the person you love, feeling like the rest of the world doesn't exist. I listened to good music and I read good books. It could have been worse.

4 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear you had such a tough year, I really hope 2017 is your year. Keep positive girly, can't wait to read more of your posts :) xx

    Danielle Miss Sunshine & Sparkle

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  2. Congratulations on the house! Stay strong, and have a wonderful start to the new year!

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  3. I hope you have the best year in 2017 Beth xx

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  4. I´m so sorry that 2016 has hit you so hard! I wish you all the strength you need to make 2017 a better year! Maybe going in with low expectations is just the right way.
    xx Lisa | Following Lisa

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